


Dry Your Tears (and Let Me Take Care of You)

by Nux



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Promises, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-25 17:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17729441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nux/pseuds/Nux
Summary: When everything feels dark and critical comments and those 2 am thoughts get too much; it's good to have Jung Jaehyun in your life.





	Dry Your Tears (and Let Me Take Care of You)

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you and shoutout to [Chloe](https://l0l13752.tumblr.com/) and [Miso](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Misoup) for helping me beta this fic!

Taeyong has read comments again. It’s after a performance and he just can’t help it; wanting to know what fans and non fans thinks of him.

Wants to know if he can do better.

 _Wants_ to do better.

It’s nearing 2 am and he’s still sitting in the living room, huddled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around himself. Logically, he knows he should be sleeping, that he shouldn’t stay up this late reading comments but somewhere, at some point, he just _couldn’t_ stop. There was so many comments, so many of them talking about how beautiful he is; how good his dancing is and then, the occasional degrading comment. That’s where it took a turn for the worse. The good comments, while they were good and brought his spirits up, the bad ones stood out and he couldn’t stop himself from going down that rabbit hole. Just _couldn’t._

So that’s how he finds himself, at 2 am, reading the degrading, the mean and insulting comments. If it’s not about his looks, then it’s about his dancing and if it’s not about his dancing, then it’s about his leadership and if it’s not about his leadership, then it’s about his past. The past that he can’t change no matter what.

There’s a nasty, constricting feeling filling his insides; dread crawling around in his body and making it its home. Taeyong knows very well he should put his phone down. Knows it’s not good for his health, body or mental. Some might call him a masochist for it—though they wouldn’t be far from the truth—for reading those comments. In some twisted way it makes sense; the words about him not being good enough, the way he’s painted out to be spoiled and having somehow bought his way into the industry.

The longer he sits there, the more sense it makes.

Maybe he really is that bad.

Maybe he _should_ just disappear.

Maybe there’s no reason to try harder.

A sudden, heavy, warmth against his knee pulls him out from his thoughts; away from the mean words on his phone and back to the reality. Back to the dorm.  

Slowly, Taeyong looks up, blinks once and then twice. “J-jae—“ his voice breaks when he tries to speak and suddenly, he realises there’s a wetness to his cheeks that wasn’t there before; tear tracks. Wanting to wipe the unwanted tears away, Taeyong lifts a hand to his eyes but jaehyun catches it instead, holds it gently for a second before lowering it and wipes Taeyong’s tears for him. It’s all slow and soft. So very calm in the otherwise dark and quiet room.

“Hyung,” is all Jaehyun says, but his gaze speaks for him; all the warmth and gentleness and _love_ so very evident in the younger man’s eyes. Taeyong wants—and doesn’t want—to crumble. Jaehyun’s simply _too_ good for him. Too warm. Too loving. Too much.

 _Better than him._

Suddenly, without Taeyong’s permission, there's new, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks and this time he can’t help but to sob; desperately tries to muffle it by biting down on his bottom lip hard. In the end the sound just comes out choked and ugly. Ugly. Ugly, just like the comments say he is—

“Did you read comments again?” Jaehyun asks and Taeyong doesn’t know what to say because he thinks it’s obvious; thinks it’s dumb, getting so emotional over it. Not trusting his voice, he nods. Jaehyun’s hand is back on his cheek in an instant, holding him so softly; thumb caressing his tear streaked skin carefully.

Taeyong worries he’d be even more awful and foul if he were to push Jaehyun’s loving touch away.

“Hyunnie—I don’t, please—“ he manages quietly, tries to suppress his voice so they won’t attract attention. It’s the last thing he wants, having the others see him like this; this wrecked and _useless_. “I don’t deserve this” _I don’t deserve your loving touch_. “I don’t deserve you.”

Jaehyun’s touch on him stills and for a split second, Taeyong thinks that this is it; that now, not even jaehyun would want him. Perfect, perfect Jaehyun. Saving himself, Taeyong glances away, looks to his lap and where his phone is, screen dark now.

“Hyung, look at me.”

Taeyong refuses. Doesn’t want to see the disappointment in Jaehyun’s eyes.

“Taeyongie…”

Instead of calling Jaehyun out for talking like that to his _hyung_ , Taeyong fiddles with the edge of the blanket still wrapped around himself. It’s a little frayed, just like him, but it’s okay. He likes this blanket anyway.

“Those comments? The people writing them? They know _nothing_ , hyung. They don’t know what they’re saying, okay?” Jaehyun’s voice is just a murmur; gentle and careful in the void. “The members love you. _I_ love you.”

In the darkness he’s created, Taeyong doesn’t quite believe it. Not right now, not when he’s seen the kind of comments left on various social media platforms; not when he’s thrown himself so deep into the self loathing pit. Anxiously, he returns his attention to the blanket, his hands trembling. Deep down, he knows he’s being irrational. That he shouldn’t doubt Jaehyun’s love for him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jaehyun replies, just as softly as before. Still full of love, no disappointment, no resentment. Taeyong dares to lift his gaze— _finally_ —and looks up to see jaehyun smiling, dimples and all. “Hello, hyung,” Jaehyun says and it’s so silly it makes some light seep into the darkness. It’s still not good, still not better but Taeyong is thankful for Jaehyun. For him trying so hard even when he doesn’t have to.

_When it would’ve been so much easier to just discard him and leave him alone._

Suddenly, Jaehyun’s other hand is on him too; just cupping his cheeks and the touch feels so intimate but still, Taeyong doesn’t try to break away even when Jaehyun comes closer to lean their foreheads together.

“Those comments are the worst, hyung, please forget about them and think only of me…”

It’s so bold Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat and his hands come up immediately to grasp at Jaehyun’s wrists, ready to break the moment; anything to save himself.

_Save him from the inevitable heartbreak._

“Jaehyun—“

“No, please, hear me out, okay?”

It shuts taeyong up and he swallows the sudden lump in his throat. He can never say no to Jaehyun.

“I hate seeing you this way, I hate it when you’re upset, hyung. And when you cry? I just—“ the way Jaehyun cuts himself off, sounding so worked up and frustrated all of a sudden, it awakens the void in Taeyong again and he closes his eyes, steeling himself. “I just wish I could find all those mean people and make them pay for what they do to you…”

It’s so soft, so heartfelt; feels like the confession Taeyong has been longing to hear but knows he won’t ever hear.

Taeyong knows Jaehyun’s too kind. Feels too much on the behalf of others. Wants to help too much. With that in mind, Taeyong replies with a low, “it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, hyung.”

Of course, Taeyong knows it’s not okay, but there’s nothing he can do. He’s public property now; he chose it and he’ll have to endure it. At the realisation, new, fresh tears start rolling down his cheek though this time it’s soundlessly, no wrecked sobs escaping him. Just tears.

“Hyung, shit—“ Jaehyun swearing catches taeyong off guard and he blinks his eyes open to meet Jaehyun’s worried gaze. There’s something else there, something Taeyong can’t quite place or even begin to describe; it looks so close guarded and hidden he just focuses on the worry. The furrowed eyebrows. The lips, downturned in a frown. “Please don’t cry, please, I can’t—it makes me—please?”

Jaehyun’s words don’t make any sense. Taeyong doesn’t get it. He shrinks in on himself instead, hunches over a little despite the touch he still shares with Jaehyun. If he could, he would try to stop the tears and he tells Jaehyun just as much;

“I can’t, I’m sorry—I can’t, I—“

Warm.

Soft.

Gentle.

Taeyong blinks, confusion washing over him. Jaehyun’s so very close, so close; his lips pressing against his own and Taeyong wonders—worries— if it’s just a trick of his imagination. If he’s fallen asleep on the couch after all and his brain gave him just want he’s been wanting all along.

Seconds pass and Jaehyun is still there, still hasn’t left or disappeared into thin air.

When Taeyong cries harder, Jaehyun presses closer; holds on tighter. It’s too much, Taeyong thinks but he still finds himself slowly starting to kiss Jaehyun back. Even if it’s a dream—even if his mind is playing a cruel trick on him—he just wants to have this one thing. Just this once.

 Just one good thing.

As Jaehyun breaks the kiss, Taeyong can feel the way the younger man grows almost uncertain—of what he just did—the way his hands leaves his puffy cheeks to wrap around his shoulders instead as if to say _don’t go_.

Taeyong wouldn’t ever dream of it.

“I really mean it hyung, I love you, and those comments… I hate to see them wreck you like this,” Jaehyun says, his tone somewhere between firm and faint even though it doesn’t make sense. “Whenever they bring you down? Please come to me and I’ll kiss your worries away. Let me take care of you, hyung.”

Stunned into silence, Taeyong again wonders if this isn’t just Jaehyun trying to be good; trying to take care of him, just like he does with everyone else.

He needs to make sure Jaehyun means it. Needs to know it isn’t just a figment of his imagination.

“Kiss me, please just, kiss me again—“

Jaehyun’s on him in seconds and the second kiss is just as firm as the first one. Reassuring. Comforting.

 _I love you_.

 _I’ll kiss your worries away_.

 _Let me take care of you_.

If he could, Taeyong would’ve cried again though it seems like he’s cried all the tears he had. Instead of just the void filling him, there’s now hope too; a sliver of light penetrating the darkness.

When they break for air again, Jaehyun tugs him in for a hug, holds Taeyong so very close to his chest that Taeyong can feel his steady heartbeat. Can hear Jaehyun’s ragged breath by his ear; his exhales tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. Finally, Taeyong allows himself to wrap his arms around Jaehyun’s neck; allows himself to hold the younger as hard as he’s wanted to for so long.

“Please hyung, let me be yours, let me take care of you,” Jaehyun breathes out, suddenly sounding so nervous. Even if he’s letting Taeyong choose, his arms still tightens around his body and Taeyong in turn just burrows closer.

“Yeah,” Taeyong replies, voice muffled against the thick material of Jaehyun’s hoodie. Taeyong digs his fingertips into the material, holds Jaehyun closer. “Please take care of me, Jaehyunnie.”

“I love you, hyung,” Jaehyun whispers again, just for Taeyong to hear.

“I love you too, Jaehyunnie, so much—“ Taeyong cuts himself off with a sob, this time not generated from the darkness and void, but instead it’s light and airy. Elated.

“Then, please don’t cry anymore, it breaks my heart when you do.”

Taeyong says nothing, just hugs Jaehyun tighter. He can’t promise the younger man to be miraculously fixed, but he promises himself to _try_ to get better, for Jaehyun’s sake. For their team’s sake.

Jaehyun gets it, takes the hint and doesn’t push, instead he holds tighter on Taeyong too for a second before he then urges him to stand up. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, hyung, it’s late and we have dance practice tomorrow.”

Just a little disappointed, Taeyong stands up. He had hoped they could’ve stayed on the couch for a little bit longer; that they could’ve talked more. Hugged more. Kissed more. Despite it, he agrees with a soft, “okay.”

He lets Jaehyun lead the way. Lets Jaehyun hold his hand and as soon as they near the room he shares with Johnny, Taeyong starts to let go, only to have Jaehyun hold on tighter.

“Come,” is all Jaehyun says and all Taeyong can do, is obey.

They reach Jaehyun’s room. Jaehyun’s empty room, Taeyong suddenly remembers. Empty because Donghyuck is at home with his parents, resting and getting his health back.

It’s too good to be true, Taeyong thinks, but he still follows Jaehyun inside the room.

“Let me take care of you,” Jaehyun repeats, and Taeyong doesn’t think he could ever get tired of hearing those six words. Just for good measure, he nods again and Jaehyun beams at him; smile so charming and comforting with dimples and all.

“Please,” Taeyong murmurs quietly. _Please do_.

And Jaehyun does; he helps Taeyong feeling at ease as they undress together and then crawl into Jaehyun’s bed together. It’s way too narrow for the two of them, but they make it work somehow; Taeyong lying close to the wall, his back pressed against it. Jaehyun’s looking at him so fondly Taeyong feels like it’s always been like this. Like they’ve always been…something. They haven’t put a word on what they are now, but Taeyong’s thankful for anything he can get. Anything Jaehyun’s willing to give him.

Jaehyun kisses him again, this time it’s much more fleeting and over in a second but it’s okay; it’s perfect anyway and when they break apart it’s Taeyong who leans in to press his forehead against Jaehyun’s.

“Thank you,” he murmurs into the space between them. The warm, soft and gentle space they had created together. “Thank you, Jaehyunnie.”

Taeyong doesn’t see it, but he knows it; knows Jaehyun is smiling back at him and knowing that, is more than enough.

_Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and such is always welcome! ♥


End file.
